Are You Not Entertained? --an essay by Some Guy--
3/23/09
I would
say I’m
sick of hearing the
Republicans argue
about whether or not Rush Limbaugh is the voice of the GOP, but I'm not, for
a few reasons. One,
hearing them argue
about this is hilarious. Two,
if it
weren’t for this then I would have to try and write about
economics, and I
don’t know anything about economics.
And
three, it raises important and fascinating questions about the future
of
American political discourse.
Obviously,
this essay
isn’t going to be about the relative
merits of Rush Limbaugh, because he is self-evidently a giant tool. His
shit goes on forever,
is sonically
grating, and makes no sense.
It
must be the name.
He’s
also not funny.
I’m
not a habitual listener, but as far as
I can tell, the meat of his
comedy stylings is that whenever a Black guy gets too powerful he plays
a song
about how he’s Black, and whenever a woman gets too powerful
he plays a song
about how she’s a woman.
Sh’wild. Sh’wild
stuff.
Anyway, the
interesting part is
that RNC Chairman Michael
Steele felt compelled to apologize for referring to Limbaugh as an
“entertainer.” Okay,
I guess
from
Steele’s perspective, apologizing was the politically
expedient thing to do, and
I don’t care one way or the other about whether he should have. What
is interesting is
that Limbaugh and his
fans took umbrage at the term in the first place.
Evidently,
they regard the label as mutually
exclusive to someone’s being legitimately inspiring or
insightful about the
issues of the day — Limbaugh is, of course, neither of these
things, but he and
his fans are under the impression that he is, so the point remains.
By profession,
Limbaugh is the
host of a political talk show
that alternates between him pontificating on his own and discussing
issues with
guests, all the while trying to be funny at the same time. That
is the exact same
thing that, say, Bill
Maher is on the left, and no-one, including Bill Maher, gets pissed if
you call
Bill Maher an entertainer. I
am a huge
Bill Maher fan. Maher's
beliefs are closer
to my own than are those of any actual politician (as far as I
can
tell), and what Maher has to say about any given issue usually
satisfies
and
resonates with me more than does what any politician has to say. And
yet I don’t
care
if someone calls him an
entertainer, because that’s what he is.
What’s wrong with being an
entertainer? Shakespeare and Mozart were
“entertainers,” for fuck’s sake.
What would Rush’s
fans prefer we call him? A
philosopher? Okay,
no problem. Technically,
I suppose, Rush Limbaugh is a
philosopher.
Bear with me here.
He’s a shitty
philosopher who is wrong
about
everything, but essentially he is someone who dispenses ideas and
people pay
him (through listening to the advertising run on the stations that
broadcast
him) to hear those ideas because they like them, and that’s
it. Words like
“pundit” are just terms for
subgenres of “philosopher,” like how
“rapper” and “accordionist” are
both types
of “musician.” People
who do
the same
thing on the left are called “public
intellectuals,” but we can’t use that term
for Rush because… well, he’s an idiot.
But
just being wrong about
stuff doesn’t
mean you’re not a
philosopher. Descartes
thought he could
prove the existence of God, and Plato thought poetry should be against
the law.
As for the fact
that Rush
(thinks he) is being funny at the
same time, why should that matter?
Nietzsche
is funny sometimes. Not
always intentionally, but still. If
people want to borrow a term from Mel Brooks’s History
of the World Part One and start
referring to Limbaugh as a
“stand-up philosopher,” that might be a compromise
amenable to both his critics
and his fans.
Just make sure you
tell Rush it
won’t actually require him
to stand up, because I don’t think he can do that on his own
for very long.
So, I don’t object
on
principle to the fact that a
philosopher rather than a politician has become the most prominent
voice in a
major political party — just to the fact that the particular
philosopher in question is
retarded. But then,
so is
the party in question, so I guess
it was inevitable. Anyway,
there’s
nothing inherently wrong with the dynamic.
If
Bill Maher became the voice of the Democratic
Party, I would love
it. Drugs would be legal, and every convention from now on
would be at the Playboy
Mansion.
I can certainly
take
issue with
what Limbaugh says (and do,
quite effectively), but I can’t really object to the nature
of his occupation because
it is essentially the same thing 1585 does:
I have an overarching
political
mission, and then in each individual piece I try to be as entertaining
as
possible within the confines of that specific point and how it advances
the
mission.
This is what Air
America forgot
to do, which is why it just ended up being the news but longer.
Hey
kids, do you
like the news,
but wish it lasted five
hours
with way more
long
silences and chair-scraping?
Boring is a fine
line.
On
paper, NPR seems like it would be boring too, but
you know that good
feeling NPR somehow gives you?
You
know,
as if you would like to be listening to it on a porch in slightly
chilly
weather while tickling your own arms? Imagine
NPR minus that feeling.
On the whole, I
think Liberals
are funnier than Conservatives. Certainly, most great
comedians
are
liberal. But there isn’t always
necessarily something explicitly liberal about their jokes. The
tricky thing about
explicitly liberal
comedy is that it needs to evolve beyond:
- Play
clip of
Conservative being a dick.
- Say
something to the effect of “Do you believe this
guy?”
- Repeat.
One reason I
stopped
listening
to Air America
is that I couldn’t stand hearing the clips of the
Conservatives they had to
keep playing to set up every joke.
The problem there
is, Conservative
means a distinct cultural thing that can exist without constantly just
playing
clips of Liberals and going “I disagree with this.”
To
the extent that Liberal
means a distinct cultural thing
that can stand on its own,
a station for that already exists, and it’s called NPR.
Partly, we are at a
disadvantage
because we don’t
need to
construct an extrapolitical cultural nexus to divert attention away
from our
actual policies, because our actual policies actually make sense. But
since when you focus
on the actual laws
the Republicans want to make, pretty much everybody is against them,
they have
had to develop this entirely separate definition of Conservative
that has nothing directly to do with the business of
governing. Necessity
is the mother of
invention, and the political Right needed to invent Rush more than the
political Left has ever needed to invent whatever the liberal distaff
of Rush
would be.
“Let’s
make
it so you can’t sue doctors.
After all, the majority
of people
are doctors, so this should be a popu— ...They're
NOT?!
OH FUCK,
QUICK SOMEONE START
TALKING ABOUT THE WAR ON
CHRISTMAS!!”
Keith Olbermann is an official
journalist and serious
pundit, and Bill Maher and Jon Stewart are
comedians. But
honestly, aside from
the fact that
Olbermann is less funny, I don’t see what the difference
is.
There
is no logical reason
why if Keith
Olbermann makes a point it counts as something you could cite in a
serious
discussion, but if Stewart or Maher makes the exact same point in a
funny way
it doesn’t.
It
is as accurate to describe
me as an “internet comedy
writer” as it is to describe me as a “political
pundit,” but this doesn’t
inherently mean I am less qualified as a pundit.
The
points I make are at
least as good as the points any
“real”
news guy makes; it’s just
that I am also funny.
Naturally, the
unfunny
media
are terrified of this. I
saw a panel show on PBS last night, and
they took the Rush flap as an impetus to go off about the lamentable
state of
what “passes for” political discourse in general,
going off on Jon Stewart, etc.,
too. But
here’s the thing: This
show didn’t teach me any more about
politics than The
Daily Show or Real Time
does, and it was boring as
fuck. Funny pundits
(a thing for which
“fundits” would be a horribly irritating term that
people should absolutely not
start using) can do the same thing regular pundits do, but plus other
stuff,
like how Superman is just as fast as the Flash but can also do a
million other
things whereas the Flash is only fast.
Yes, the Flash won
the
third
time they raced, but you know
why? Because the
brass at DC realized
that if the only fucking thing the Flash can do, Superman can do better
just as
a hobby, then what the fuck is the point of the Flash?
You see? I
just made
a valuable and insightful point about the current state of the
discourse, but
explained it via an analogy about Superman and the Flash. Does
Charles Gibson ever
do that? No.
The
actual
race was much cooler.
Within
the liberal half of the
country, the complaint about
the web is that anybody can say anything. When
someone asserts claims, they are not
fact-checked, and when someone
posits a theory, it is not peer-reviewed. As
brilliant as The 1585 is, if a student cited us
as a source in a
paper, this would almost certainly be considered unacceptable (that is,
if the
instructor bothered to check out the source, rather than just
making
sure the citation was formatted correctly, which is actually pretty
unlikely). And
you
know what?
I’m
not going to bitch about this.
I
get it.
There has
to be some method of keeping the students
from consulting
straight-up lunatics, and if that means throwing the baby of me out
with the
bathwater of snake handlers and 9/11 Truthers, fine.
I’m
brilliant, and crazy people are crazy,
but
if the average college student were able to discern on their own that I
am
brilliant and that crazy people are crazy, there wouldn’t be
a problem to begin
with, so I guess they can’t be trusted to do so.
But eventually this
dam
is
going to burst. Someday
soon there is going to be Some Guy
with a Website who is self-evidently irrefutably brilliant, but is
still just
Some Guy with a Website. What
will
people say then? Sure,
someone might
offer him a book deal or an academic position, but suppose he
doesn’t want
one? What if he
just wants to be Some
Guy with a Website — would that make him any less brilliant?
Something is going
to
have to
give very soon, because the
fact is, the web is simply the perfect
medium for the transmission of
wisdom
and the ideal location of the marketplace of ideas.
You
can get stuff out to people instantly,
update it as things change, and go back and correct yourself if it
turns out you
were wrong about something. If
you’re a
philosopher like me who doesn’t want to waste a bunch of time
explaining
background information before getting right down to analyzing an issue,
you can
just put some links to background info at the top of the page, or
insert them
as hypertext as key terms arise. Others
have, of course, made these points before.
But
a point I have not yet heard anyone make is
that — perhaps most
importantly of all — the web not only allows, but encourages
you to seek out work by people
with whom you disagree,
if only to take it apart.
If not for the
internet,
someone who wanted to argue
point-by-point against a text by, say, Ann Coulter would have to
actually buy
one of her books,
which a sane
person would likely be unable to bring themselves to do, no matter how
much they
wanted to write a response. But
on the
web, Philosopher A and Philosopher B, who each despise everything the
other
stands for, will not only read
each
other, but actually link
to each
other and increase each other’s readership, because it saves
them the trouble
of summarizing or endlessly quoting their opponent.
As
a consequence of this, the
followers of each will also read their opponent’s ideas,
thereby
vastly increasing
the chances that the one who is actually right will end up with more
followers. And this
the primary point of
Freedom of Speech. The
internet is the
very thing — the very
thing — the
Founders would have dreamt of, had they been able to, when they first
hit upon
that whole idea, and anyone who cannot see this probably
doesn’t even tear up on
the 4th
of July.
People who bemoan
the
web as
the ideal vehicle for the
dissemination of retarded ideas are only looking at half the
picture: it is both
the ideal vehicle for disseminating retarded ideas, and
for combating them. And
you
can even make it all funny. The
price
you pay, of course, is that you are just Some Guy.
Who was I peer
reviewed by. Whatever. Who
was Nietzsche peer
reviewed
by, motherfucker?
The
standard complaint
on the
conservative side, as we all know,
is that mainstream media have a liberal bias. To
many on the opposite bank, mainstream news
appears
to have a
conservative bias.
In
a way, everyone is
right.
To someone
who believes that
Position X is self-evidently crazy, what it would make sense for the
news to do
in a story about Position X is criticize it — so when the news
fails to do this,
it looks like favoritism.
But
what the
viewer doesn’t notice is that the news also
refrains from criticizing Position Y (i.e., the viewer’s own
opinion).
So, when
a station runs a story about gay
marriage, the conservative viewer notices that they refrain from
criticizing
homosexuality and calls the show liberal, and the liberal viewer
notices that
they also refrain from pointing out that the religious animus against
it is loony
bullshit and calls the show conservative. So
what does the
show do?
Basically
show a bunch of footage of couples
getting gay married and point out that people disagree about it, which
is
something you already knew.
But
at least
you didn’t change the channel. That
being out of the way, the news can then get back to its real
agenda: bias in favor of being completely retarded.
“Good
evening, we are
responsible professional journalists.
And now,
our top
story:
What happened last night on some retarded fucking
reality show...”
Ideally,
the news would act as
the referee, and actually
tell you, if not always who is right,
at
least who is lying. If
this ends up hurting one side more than
the other, it’s that side’s own fault for
lying — it’s not the job of the ref to
call penalties equally,
only accurately
(as we point out in the FMT
entry for “bias”).
People
did eventually
get sick of news that never actually tells you who’s right,
but unfortunately,
what this resulted in was the rise of the viewer-ego-stroking specialty
networks like FOX News.
So
people now
have a choice of news that’s completely useless because it
bends over backwards
to reinforce the viewer’s prejudices and news that is
completely useless
because it bends over backwards to avoid saying anything with which
anyone
could possibly disagree, even in situations where there is an objective
right
answer.
The whole
“liberal
bias” meme was invented in the late ’60s,
when the GOP had Spiro Agnew fly around reaming out reporters for
having
the gall to imply that Nixon was doing a bunch of stuff that
Nixon was
actually doing, just because they had proof.
And
this made perfect sense to the majority of
Americans because, while
at any other period in our history it might have seemed specious,
unfortunately
at this particular juncture the alternative to believing it was
accepting that
they might have to live within ten miles of a Black family and that our
boys in
uniform had adopted the habit of lighting their cigarettes off flaming
piles of
South Asian babies.
And ever
since, it's been kept alive by the Spotlight Fallacy: the idea is
already in your head, so when the news says something liberal you
notice, and when it doesn't, you don't.
Now, the problem
with
what the
news would ideally do — not merely explain the issue and inform
you that people disagree, but examine
the
social and philosophical roots of the disagreement, analyze whose
rhetoric and
evidence holds up better, and bust the people who have told lies in service
of
their position — is that it’s hard and would take a
long time. And
there are only two circumstances under
which any great number of people are going to sit through an
explanation of an
issue that is long, complicated, and challenges their worldview rather
than
reinforcing it: The
first is if they
have no choice because they’re in school, and the second is
if the explanation
is also funny.
So
yes, the lamenting old farts
on PBS were right. Funny
political news is where society is headed.
But this isn’t because society is
degenerating or being dumbed down; it’s
because funny political news is actually the perfect system.
Internet
= "inappropriate" |
TV
= "professional" |
The internet also
uses sex appeal to court an audience,
which
the real news
never, ever
does.
To
speak frankly, I would
hazard that a regular reader of
this site has gained more insight into the psychological and
sociological
underpinnings of contemporary political discourse in the past two years
than
they would have in two years' worth of college courses on the same
subjects, and infinitely more than would have been gained by simply
regularly
watching the news.
And
they've been entertained
in the process (and almost certainly would not have read the essays at
all had
they not been entertaining).
And I am
just Some Guy who is smart and owns a computer.
Imagine
what a network of
people like me with
resources at our back could do.
It doesn’t
matter
whether you call Rush Limbaugh an entertainer
or a philosopher. Same
goes for Jon
Stewart, or for us. Whatever
you call
it, soon it’s going to be the only thing left.
And
rightly so.
It is way harder to be
funny and wrong at the same time than it is to be serious and wrong.
And it was batshit conservative talk radio that
started it all.
So
weirdly enough, we
owe
Rush — kind of like how Hippies owe
Nazis for inventing the Volkswagen.
They
didn’t have
hearts on them in ’38, sunshine...
NOTE:
Some
time after the posting of
this essay, comic genius and national treasure Stephen Colbert began
prominently featuring the term "fundit" in his opening credits.
I'm not saying he or a member of his staff got it from me,
necessarily. It is not so complex a pun that two different
people couldn't have come up with it independently. But I
didn't get it from him either. And hey! You know,
if we're
all so good at coming up with puns, maybe we should call
oursel— no, wait, nevermind.
FURTHER NOTE:
Subsequent
research has revealed that the earliest documented use of the term
"fundit" in fact dates to December 9, 2004, when the term was added to
UrbanDictionary.com by someone calling himself "Poop Face." Which means that, unless
someone finds an earlier use in print, Poop Face will one day be
cited in the Oxford English Dictionary. Congratulations, Poop Face. Now you belong to the ages.
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